Lately I had missed going walking with Annie and Des, since moving and with the holidays we hadn't found time to. Kristen Poe was out of school til the end of January so I had set up with her and Annie to go walking that Friday morning {January 10, 2014} with them at the green belt across from the stake center.
When I had woke up that morning I felt a lot of heavy pressure on my uterus, but thought that was all part of pregnancy and would typically happen in the 3rd trimester. I had also heard from a couple of my other friends that boys also weigh heavier on you towards the end. I ignored it since it wasn't painful and went about our day. We had walked further than normal that morning and I felt fine, but maybe thought I pushed myself too much. In total we walked about 3 miles.
We said goodbye to the girls and Annabelle and I headed home to have breakfast, it was just a normal day for us. Jeff came home from work at his usual time around 4 and he helped me make chicken pillows for dinner. He'd been so sweet about doing most of the cleaning and cooking around the house ever since I got pregnant. I still had been feeling pretty good, but was more tired than usual and still had that heavy feeling on my uterus. I decided not to stress about it and just mentioned it to Jeff. He told me to sit down and try to relax.
I went to bed pretty late that night because I had been on the computer looking for boots. By the time I laid down Jeff had already been snoring and it was about 10 at night. I couldn't get comfortable because I started to feel some cramping, but it wasn't painful. At first I had just thought that it was Braxton Hicks and since I didn't have that with Annabelle I looked it up online to read more about it and what causes it and how to stop it. It said that it should only be a temporary cramp that could feel like light contractions, but to just walk around, drink lots of water and take a hot shower and they should stop. So I did all 3 of those things and started to feel a bit more relaxed and better, but they wouldn't stop. I knew something was probably wrong when they would't go away after an hour of having felt them.
I was getting paranoid that something bad would happen and woke Jeff up at midnight and told him about it. He read what I had looked up about Braxton Hicks and then started to time my contractions. They were about 4 minutes apart and getting more painful. He felt that we should go to the hospital and I agreed, he got dressed quickly and woke Annabelle up. I had texted Kali Marzley right before we left to see if she was awake so that she could come and get Annabelle from the hospital. I felt bad that AnnaB had to come with us and wanted her to get her rest. Even from our new house we weren't far from the hospital, but as we were approaching the last light before the ER entrance the contractions started to hurt really bad, and I got scared. I was hoping in my heart that we would get there and they would wheel me up to the OB floor and just be able to stop my labor.
I barely had enough energy to walk through the ER entrance, but thankfully we were the only ones in there. Jeff had filled out the paperwork with the receptionist and they called someone down to come and get me in a wheel chair. Of course at that point I was in pain and was just trying to walk it off, but I just wanted to hunch over from the contractions. It was like everyone was moving so slowly and I just wanted to be on the hospital bed with some drugs or whatever medication to stop it all, to make this pre term labor go away and to keep Pax safely in my tummy for another 10 weeks.
As soon as we got up to the OB floor I just kept telling them I wanted to go poop and went straight to the toilet. I did end up going a little bit, but even after I didn't want anyone to touch or move me. I could just feel the pressure of something coming out. In my heart I knew it was him but I didn't want it to be true. So, I sat there for a good 10 mins hunched over breathing through the contractions. Jeff was in and out of the bathroom trying to comfort me and at the same time trying to comfort Annabelle because at this point she was freaking out and doing a cry I had never heard before. I knew she could feel that I was scared and that something was wrong with Mommy, so of course it frightened her too.
Finally the nurse and Jeff both came in and told me that I needed to move to a bed so that they could check me. I really only wanted Jeff's help. He kept telling me that I could do this and to just keep breathing. They finally were able to get me on the bed on my back which made it harder to breath through the contractions, I just wanted to be hunched over again...I felt on my side I could handle it better. The nurse Linda checked me and then started running around so that made me nervous and led me to think that something was definitely wrong. She told me to stay put, and then another nurse came in to check me as well, she confirmed that my cervix was all thinned out and I was at a 10 and that this baby was coming. I looked at them so confused and was hoping to get an epidural, but once again they told me I had to push him out natural because he was coming out right then.
I never get why I progress so quickly and apart of me was mad at myself because of how stubborn I am about coming to the hospital. I told myself with the next baby any pain that I felt AT ALL would be reason enough to run to the hospital so I could get some drugs before all the labor craziness happens!
I never get why I progress so quickly and apart of me was mad at myself because of how stubborn I am about coming to the hospital. I told myself with the next baby any pain that I felt AT ALL would be reason enough to run to the hospital so I could get some drugs before all the labor craziness happens!
At that point the contractions weren't stopping and I told myself to get a grip on things and to be mature about the situation. I had to keep telling myself the pain wouldn't last forever and I could push him out, I could do HARD THINGS! I was gripping Jeff's hand so hard and just biting the sheets hoping that baby Pax would be ok and that he would make it out soon. The nurses had told us they had called in Dr. Jackson and that he should be there soon, I'm glad it was him that was on shift because I had always thought that he was so genuinely nice. I was on my side moaning and trying to tough out the pain and saw that Kali had walked in to take Belle. I wish I could have said hello to her, but I didn't want to talk or see anyone at that point. I was so appreciative to have friends like her who were willing to answer my late night text to come and get Annabelle. I knew she was in safe hands and would be ok.
The pain from the contractions wasn't even a pain where I wanted to cry, but it was just so uncomfortable and I felt like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't gain control of them. Dr Jackson walked in and was literally putting on his scrubs and bending down at the same time to deliver my little boy who wanted to come to this earth early. I felt him pop my water but it didn't hurt, thankfully. Jeff said he could see Paxton coming and told me to keep pushing. I had no other choice but to push because my contractions were coming so quick.
After he had broke my water it was a matter of 6 pushes and I had Paxton out! It really felt like I just had a small poop! Dr. Jackson confirmed that I didn't tear and that I was fine, but still had to get the placenta out. After I had delivered him the pain all just went away, Heavenly Father must have known that I needed a break. I just laid there on the bed looking at Jeff in shock. After they had delivered him they of course took him away and I didn't get to hold my new little baby boy. I could tell that his breathing was pretty bad and they needed to take him back to check on him more. He didn't look that tiny for being born so preemie. I was letting my thoughts get the best of me and was so stressed that he would stop breathing or that his heart beat would stop and that I would be one of those mother's who had to deal with a death of a child, I wasn't strong enough to handle such a trial.
After he had broke my water it was a matter of 6 pushes and I had Paxton out! It really felt like I just had a small poop! Dr. Jackson confirmed that I didn't tear and that I was fine, but still had to get the placenta out. After I had delivered him the pain all just went away, Heavenly Father must have known that I needed a break. I just laid there on the bed looking at Jeff in shock. After they had delivered him they of course took him away and I didn't get to hold my new little baby boy. I could tell that his breathing was pretty bad and they needed to take him back to check on him more. He didn't look that tiny for being born so preemie. I was letting my thoughts get the best of me and was so stressed that he would stop breathing or that his heart beat would stop and that I would be one of those mother's who had to deal with a death of a child, I wasn't strong enough to handle such a trial.
After a bit they wheeled me back to the nursery they had for babies and Jeff and I got to spend some time with him. He was more calm, but still working really hard to breath. I was thankful for his presence and the confirmation I got from Heavenly Father that we were chosen to be his parents, he was truly a valiant spirit. We put our hands on his tummy and talked to him. He was so swollen, his nose and eyes were all puffy, and it was noticeable that he was a preemie baby, he just wasn't fully developed. I just wanted to put him back in my tummy where he could grow naturally. My heart was just broken because you could just look at his little body and tell what shock he was in. I just wanted to hold him against my skin and tell him that it would be ok, that Mommy and Daddy would take care of him. I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to hold him for a couple of days and that he needed the best treatment possible to pull through this. We both instantly fell in love with him and all his dark hair, he was so cute and perfect. Just like with Annabelle he looked exactly like what I had imagined.
We knew from the beginning that he was going to be Airvact to Phx for better care, I just couldn't picture him leaving us so quickly and the realization hit hard in that moment that we couldn't go with him. They let us know the helicopter would be there within the hour which would be around 6:00 a.m. and they would prep him for his trip and be on their way. We were allowed to stay with him until the team got there. Jeff and I went back to our room and neither of us had much to say and just sat there. I laid back in my bed and remember getting the chills and feeling so cold, I knew that my body was just in shock and was trying to recover from such a rapid birth. I was overly emotional and couldn't wrap my head around everything that had happened in the last 8 hours, it just went by too quick.
The air vac team wheeled his incubator space ship into our room and he was all ready and bundled up to go. We had our goodbyes with him and told him that we loved him so much and that he would make it. They left the hospital about 6 a.m. and would be arriving in Phx around 8 in the morning. We just had to put 100% of our faith into the staff and that they would take good care of our precious boy and make the right decisions. Right when I had started labor Jeff had called his parents and my Mom to let them know what was going on. His Dad agreed to be there at the hospital when Paxton arrived, we wanted someone from our family to be with him even if they could only look at him through the incubator.
After they had left Jeff and I said a prayer, we prayed so hard that Pax would be alright, we prayed for his safety and that we could all be together as a family one day. We also prayed that we would be able to accept Heavenly Father's will and to have the spirit with us as we went on this long journey with our little boy. I felt a confirmation that Paxton Jeffrey was a choice spirit and that brought me peace that I was given the opportunity to be his Mom. I just had knots in my stomach thinking about all the future uncertainties that we would be facing in the weeks ahead of us.
Feeling extremely overwhelmed, shocked, frustrated, and emotionally drained are the words to describe how I felt in that moment and the hours after Pax had left. Everything seemed like a blur to me and the uncomfortable moments of labor were all just too much for me to digest. I made a decision right then that I needed to look at this experience through a spiritual sense or I would never make it through the long weeks we had ahead of us. Jeff and I both knew that eventually the blessings from Paxton coming early would become clearer to us as we endured this trial. This challenge would stretch, pull and push Jeff and I to become better parents and individuals all together. The Lord's hand was guiding us and surely He had a special plan for Paxton. I told myself to be grateful, keep a prayer in my heart and to count my many blessings.
It was pointless to me to even try and sleep after Paxton had left. I was feeling so hungry after labor and was thankful that they finally brought in some yummy breakfast around 7 for both Jeff and I. We always look forward to eating the food from the Kingman hospital, it's so tasty! They served us both french toast, sausage, oatmeal and some milk. It was the perfect size meal to calm my starving tummy. We sat there and ate our food in silence for the most part, and took turns expressing our concerns for Paxton and that hopefully he would make the trip to Phx on his own. I needed to pull myself together so that I would have the strength and energy to now be a mother of 2.
After having Pax Dr. Jackson confirmed that we could be discharged pretty quickly that morning if I felt up for it. He felt that I was in a good condition to leave early considering my labor was pretty quick and that I didn't tear at all. I honestly was feeling fine and my bleeding wasn't too heavy. I felt ok to travel to Phx and just yearned to be with Paxton. I knew he needed us, he needed to hear our voices and recognize something familiar. A lady from the cafeteria had come up and gave us a menu to choose from for our celebratory lunch meal, Jeff wasn't sure if he wanted to stay for lunch but I told him that I wanted to rest up a bit more before leaving. He understood and we both ordered something, it was sweet that they did those special meals for parents of new babies.
That same morning Dr. Whipp also stopped by to see us. He said he was making his rounds that morning and saw the name "Schaub" on the list and could not believe it. He thought for sure it couldn't be us, but he knew of no other Schaub's. He came in and gave his congrats and also chatted with us for a bit of what had happened. He asked how it had happened and was just as confused since he saw me earlier that week and everything seemed to be fine and on track.
He said he was really proud of me for having a VBAC and knew that I was tough, but for the next baby would advise that I have another c-section. I told him now having gone through this he couldn't consider me to be one of his "boring patients" anymore! I thought it was very thoughtful of him to come and check on us even though he wasn't the Dr. that had delivered us. He knew how badly we wanted to get to Phx that morning so he went ahead and put the paperwork in to discharge us. I'm so thankful that I was able to get to know Dr. Whipp and have him be my permanent OB through this pregnancy, he was always so friendly and nice to talk with about anything, Jeff and I both felt very comfortable with him. He also mentioned that for my next pregnancy they could definitely give me some medication to take that would ensure I wouldn't have another preemie and hopefully go full term.
Our lunch came about 11:30, a little later than what we had expected. We still had to go home and pack, grab Annabelle and get on our way to Phx. It was going to be another long day. I ordered a cordon bleu chicken, twice baked potato, corn and a side salad. Jeff had ordered a steak, and both of our meals came with a tiny bottle of sparkling apple cider. We decided not to open them until we could celebrate Paxton coming home! We enjoyed the meal very much but knew we had to leave the hospital and figure out what we were going to do next.
We left the hospital around noon and went straight home to pack and figured we would get Annabelle afterward. I felt so empty going home without 2 of our kids. Jeff didn't want me to do much, but I told him I would be ok to shower and pack mine and Annabelle's bag. It was just so hard to know what to pack because I knew we would be there awhile, but wasn't sure how many weeks and when Jeff would be able to come and get me more stuff. It was sad because we didn't have anything ready for Paxton and his early arrival.
We got the car all packed up and headed out of town around 2:00. We stopped by the Marzley's to pick up Annabelle. Kali had let us know that when they first got home they watched a movie for a bit and she drank her milk and then asked to go to bed because she was tired. She said she slept in Swayde's bed because he was in their room sleeping. She laid on the floor with her for a bit to make sure that she would go to sleep and said after that she slept fine and woke up and had breakfast. Annabelle has always loved Kali, she's always been so sweet to her. We were so thankful for their friendship and willingness to help us out during a hard time. Kali had packed some snacks for Annabelle to take in the car and had a little onesie sleeper outfit from Swayde that he never fit into that she gave me. We gave them hugs and told them that we had to get going. It was hard because we weren't sure at all when we would be home again. Our little boy had to get better, that was our number one priority to ensure his health.
We were off in our Mia the Kia and made our drive to Phoenix. We didn't know what the next couple of weeks would bring, but I knew my heart was filled with gratitude for my sweet little family of 4. I was feeling very thankful for Jeff and his constant support and love that he had offered my way in the last 10 hours. Through my entire pregnancy he was always there to offer an extra hand and to pick up the slack on all the things I couldn't get done around the house. Felt blessed to have a husband like him who consistently worked hard for our family to provide for us. I was feeling hopeful that through diligent prayer and hard work on our part we would begin to see the blessings of this stressful situation and somehow find the strength to be the parents to Paxton that he so desparetely needed.
After they had left Jeff and I said a prayer, we prayed so hard that Pax would be alright, we prayed for his safety and that we could all be together as a family one day. We also prayed that we would be able to accept Heavenly Father's will and to have the spirit with us as we went on this long journey with our little boy. I felt a confirmation that Paxton Jeffrey was a choice spirit and that brought me peace that I was given the opportunity to be his Mom. I just had knots in my stomach thinking about all the future uncertainties that we would be facing in the weeks ahead of us.
Feeling extremely overwhelmed, shocked, frustrated, and emotionally drained are the words to describe how I felt in that moment and the hours after Pax had left. Everything seemed like a blur to me and the uncomfortable moments of labor were all just too much for me to digest. I made a decision right then that I needed to look at this experience through a spiritual sense or I would never make it through the long weeks we had ahead of us. Jeff and I both knew that eventually the blessings from Paxton coming early would become clearer to us as we endured this trial. This challenge would stretch, pull and push Jeff and I to become better parents and individuals all together. The Lord's hand was guiding us and surely He had a special plan for Paxton. I told myself to be grateful, keep a prayer in my heart and to count my many blessings.
It was pointless to me to even try and sleep after Paxton had left. I was feeling so hungry after labor and was thankful that they finally brought in some yummy breakfast around 7 for both Jeff and I. We always look forward to eating the food from the Kingman hospital, it's so tasty! They served us both french toast, sausage, oatmeal and some milk. It was the perfect size meal to calm my starving tummy. We sat there and ate our food in silence for the most part, and took turns expressing our concerns for Paxton and that hopefully he would make the trip to Phx on his own. I needed to pull myself together so that I would have the strength and energy to now be a mother of 2.
After having Pax Dr. Jackson confirmed that we could be discharged pretty quickly that morning if I felt up for it. He felt that I was in a good condition to leave early considering my labor was pretty quick and that I didn't tear at all. I honestly was feeling fine and my bleeding wasn't too heavy. I felt ok to travel to Phx and just yearned to be with Paxton. I knew he needed us, he needed to hear our voices and recognize something familiar. A lady from the cafeteria had come up and gave us a menu to choose from for our celebratory lunch meal, Jeff wasn't sure if he wanted to stay for lunch but I told him that I wanted to rest up a bit more before leaving. He understood and we both ordered something, it was sweet that they did those special meals for parents of new babies.
That same morning Dr. Whipp also stopped by to see us. He said he was making his rounds that morning and saw the name "Schaub" on the list and could not believe it. He thought for sure it couldn't be us, but he knew of no other Schaub's. He came in and gave his congrats and also chatted with us for a bit of what had happened. He asked how it had happened and was just as confused since he saw me earlier that week and everything seemed to be fine and on track.
He said he was really proud of me for having a VBAC and knew that I was tough, but for the next baby would advise that I have another c-section. I told him now having gone through this he couldn't consider me to be one of his "boring patients" anymore! I thought it was very thoughtful of him to come and check on us even though he wasn't the Dr. that had delivered us. He knew how badly we wanted to get to Phx that morning so he went ahead and put the paperwork in to discharge us. I'm so thankful that I was able to get to know Dr. Whipp and have him be my permanent OB through this pregnancy, he was always so friendly and nice to talk with about anything, Jeff and I both felt very comfortable with him. He also mentioned that for my next pregnancy they could definitely give me some medication to take that would ensure I wouldn't have another preemie and hopefully go full term.
Our lunch came about 11:30, a little later than what we had expected. We still had to go home and pack, grab Annabelle and get on our way to Phx. It was going to be another long day. I ordered a cordon bleu chicken, twice baked potato, corn and a side salad. Jeff had ordered a steak, and both of our meals came with a tiny bottle of sparkling apple cider. We decided not to open them until we could celebrate Paxton coming home! We enjoyed the meal very much but knew we had to leave the hospital and figure out what we were going to do next.
We left the hospital around noon and went straight home to pack and figured we would get Annabelle afterward. I felt so empty going home without 2 of our kids. Jeff didn't want me to do much, but I told him I would be ok to shower and pack mine and Annabelle's bag. It was just so hard to know what to pack because I knew we would be there awhile, but wasn't sure how many weeks and when Jeff would be able to come and get me more stuff. It was sad because we didn't have anything ready for Paxton and his early arrival.
We got the car all packed up and headed out of town around 2:00. We stopped by the Marzley's to pick up Annabelle. Kali had let us know that when they first got home they watched a movie for a bit and she drank her milk and then asked to go to bed because she was tired. She said she slept in Swayde's bed because he was in their room sleeping. She laid on the floor with her for a bit to make sure that she would go to sleep and said after that she slept fine and woke up and had breakfast. Annabelle has always loved Kali, she's always been so sweet to her. We were so thankful for their friendship and willingness to help us out during a hard time. Kali had packed some snacks for Annabelle to take in the car and had a little onesie sleeper outfit from Swayde that he never fit into that she gave me. We gave them hugs and told them that we had to get going. It was hard because we weren't sure at all when we would be home again. Our little boy had to get better, that was our number one priority to ensure his health.
We were off in our Mia the Kia and made our drive to Phoenix. We didn't know what the next couple of weeks would bring, but I knew my heart was filled with gratitude for my sweet little family of 4. I was feeling very thankful for Jeff and his constant support and love that he had offered my way in the last 10 hours. Through my entire pregnancy he was always there to offer an extra hand and to pick up the slack on all the things I couldn't get done around the house. Felt blessed to have a husband like him who consistently worked hard for our family to provide for us. I was feeling hopeful that through diligent prayer and hard work on our part we would begin to see the blessings of this stressful situation and somehow find the strength to be the parents to Paxton that he so desparetely needed.
2 comments:
I'm just so happy everything worked out ok! This was beautifully written. Love ya!
This was all so touching, Ellie! I got choked up! You will be happy one day that you wrote down so many details of the whole experience. I'm so happy that Pax is doing well and you are a cute mommy of 2!
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